An hour of slouching around on this cushy seat and trudging my way through homework would lead to this, wouldn't it?

I came back from Florida last Sunday, where I was (as expected) an incredibly awkward bridesmaid who made many a lesbian joke with Kelli and gained many religious enemies. I wound up having an argument of the political variety with someone the day of the wedding, so that only compounded the huge, wreaking pile of walking awkwardness. I keep forgetting that people are, by and large, very dumb. Also, American politics were made to breed sheep and I shouldn't start sentences with "also."

The ceremony was quick-- I was on stage no longer than three minutes, it seemed, and they were dutifully wed. The whole time I was on stage, I was thinking, "This is so fucked up." It's not that I'm not happy for my dear best friend, but really: It was and still is fucked up. In all of the pictures, I look really angry. I didn't mean to, but it really made me a bit dizzy.

Every time I return to Florida, I realize tenfold just how terrible it is. I really bloody hate it. The plus side, however, is that it was two degrees cooler there today than up here. Isn't that strange? When does that ever happen? It was probably still insanely humid.

I withdrew from one of my classes because I guess I'm a whomping pussybath who just can't stand the pressure. Taking a week off in the middle of midterm exams really fucked me over something righteous. In this case, Travelocity was the devil and I signed a contract; there was no real getting out of it. What a dim metaphor.

Of course, there is good news: This means I'll have more time to study (and enjoy) biology, plus I'll be able to actually write articles for Reporter, not just edit them. I really miss writing, save for the fact that I feel I can't mean anything right now.

Today, I discovered the real reason why they don't let you use cell phones on airplanes and it is a head-slapper.

• Did you know that a maverick is an unbranded cow?
• Can you really be overly religious?
• Why didn't my planes have vomit bags?

When I was young, I had the coolest guinea pig ever. He was my first pet — a gift from the friendly librarian — and I called him Puzzle for no real coherent reason.

Today, my parents sent me old pictures and I remembered: Puzzle was cool because I could take him on walks. Right there, splayed across my inbox, was a picture of me walking around in the backyard with a guinea pig tagging along behind me.

( So, it made me smile so much that I thought I should share some pictures )

Animals seem to like me. Thunder (the horse) follows me around as well, although I can't really say I've ever made good friends with my axolotl.

My screen has just been bombarded by blueberries. I understand that, being a girl, I'm more subject to weight loss ads, but blueberries? Is this a Hollywood thing? The new tape worm? My, how times have changed.

I keep meaning to update my LiveJournal — as well as do other fun things such as sewing, reading, or even picking off lint from my sweatshirt — but it seems that I'm constantly busy. In fact, the only reason I've time to write an entry is because I'm putting off sleep. Yet, even now, blueberries demand my attention.

I've had severe gadget lust recently, and it's all due to spending uncanny amounts of time in the Reporter office. I enjoy perching myself on the desk behind the fancy iMac, which is so huge that is smatters my face and renders me practically invisible whenever someone walks through the door. I imagine it's much more welcoming.

I can't decide between the iPhone, an iMac, or an iPod (the latter of which would be the most useful, but I'm waiting for the upcoming price drop). I also can't stop myself from thinking that I have a decision to make; it's a shame I'm so penniless and wounded at the wallet. Perhaps I'll just make potato clocks for a living.

Despite being beaten to a lifeless, bloody pulp every day, life is going swell. My German teacher is absolutely insane and the most wonderfully funny lady I've probably ever met at this school. I'm looking forward to concentrating in German Language & Culture with all these wondrous loons. I'm also actually greatly enjoying being a managing editor. I feel — perhaps wrongly so — as if I am "making this magazine kickass."

Is it just me, or does Sarah Palin remind anyone of a talking cheeseburger? Also, why the fuck does she say nuc-eu-lar? It's fucking nu-cle-ar. I don't understand. Anyways, this country bothers me.

Speaking of which, I'll be going back to Florida soon! Katy, my best(?) friend, is getting married for some reason or another, and I'm going to be a bridesmaid. I'm not really looking forward to the wedding at all, but I am looking forward to seeing my other best friend, Kelli, who is a mad lady that's gone dearly missed. I'll probably be staying at her place the entire time and doing silly things like getting more piercings and dressing up as clowns for diners.

She wants to get dinosaur tattoos, but I would have to draw them and I'm afraid I probably won't have time. If I'm going to get a parasaurolophus, it's going to be amazing.

Hello, I have a new LJ. It's all based on the fact that, until today, I had no idea my parents were calling me a platypus when they said "schnabeltier" to me.

Cheers to that.